Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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