I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
