My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
