That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
