your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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