I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
