I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
