Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Where is the hickey?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
