She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
