went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize