Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
