oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
