Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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