I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize