This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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