Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
