Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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