I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't deserve a penis
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
