my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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