all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize