I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dicks are not precious.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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