Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
