Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
