there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
