He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
