there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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