so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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