There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
