Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
