I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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