I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
