Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
