It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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