is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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