I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Randomize