I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
