Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
