white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
