Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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