i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
