No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
