I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
