I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
