you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She bit a glass in half.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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