He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
