I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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