I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
