I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize