I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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