You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
