The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
