She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
