Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
