Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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