i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
