you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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