I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
