I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
