I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize