I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
