Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
