just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize