I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
