I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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