He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Houston, we have a squirter
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
