Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The uberlube is also flammable
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
