i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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