can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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