I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
