I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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