Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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