Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
