Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
