There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
