I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
