You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
