Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
