It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
