whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Randomize
