So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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