guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
