Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
